this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
