im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
