I wish my penis had an off switch
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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