party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
