$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
