Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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