im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
