Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
