watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
