i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
