is your mom at the bar?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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