Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
