I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
