I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
