I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
