Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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