im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
