Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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