I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
either way he was missing a nipple.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
