i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
