don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
