I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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