Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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