How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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