yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
porn star boner night. come get it.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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