I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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