so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
