chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
