So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
