Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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