1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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