Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
