there's paper in my vomit.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
