The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
