God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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