Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
