I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
