she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
