she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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