I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
