everyone is single if you try hard enough
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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