I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
