She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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