My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
