Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
