John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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