I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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