so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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