Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
