i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
