i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
