Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
